Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
