a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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