Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Randomize
