Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm passing your future prison.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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