it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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