Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
