Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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