I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
