Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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