No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
