Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
