I skipped work to stalk him.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
