don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
