I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
