Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
