If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
