I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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