I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My ass is underappreciated
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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