Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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