Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
How does it feel to date your dad?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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