We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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