your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
