my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
you never un-have a 4some
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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