Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You left your phone here
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