My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
