The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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