So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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