Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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