I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
