wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
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At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
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I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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