Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
