two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
