she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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