Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
