I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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