I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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