I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
she told me i tasted like america
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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