You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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