somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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