Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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