I wish I could teleport
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
there is glitter all over my balls
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