I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
