Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
