don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
