His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
