I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
