a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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