weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
