The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
