Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
