I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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