i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm like, not good at living.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
