Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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