How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
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He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
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He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize