I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
