phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
