Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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