i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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