I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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