I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
