I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
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You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
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How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I think my moral compass just broke
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