Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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