it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
