that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
