Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
