Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
