So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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