he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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