If i come over, it means nothing
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
