You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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