I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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