i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
this just has baby written all over it
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
