I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
