Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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