Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Randomize
