either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
