Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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