I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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