he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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