His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Your cock deserves a montage
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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